Alright, listen up y’all, let’s talk about this WWE Portland thing, ya hear?
So, I heard tell there’s gonna be some wrestlin’ in Portland. Big fellas, little fellas, all smackin’ each other around. Sounds like a hoot, don’t it? Now, I ain’t never been to one of these things myself, but my grandson, he’s always goin’ on about it. “Grandma,” he says, “you gotta see this WWE! It’s bigger than a barn dance!”
Bigger than a barn dance, huh? Well, I reckon that’s somethin’. From what I gather, these fellas ain’t just wrestlin’, they’re puttin’ on a show. Lots of flash and bang, and they got these fancy names, like, uh… The Rock? And John Cena? Sounds like somethin’ my chickens would be named if they could talk, but I guess that’s what the young folks like these days.
Now, if you wanna go see this WWE Portland show, you gotta get yourself some tickets. My grandson tells me you can buy ’em online. Says somethin’ about “Vivid Seats” and “Gigsberg.” Sounds like a bunch of city slicker talk to me, but I guess that’s how they do things now. No more walkin’ up to the ticket booth, I reckon. He also mentioned somethin’ about prices. Said they can be cheap or they can be real expensive, like buyin’ a whole new tractor expensive. Dependin’ on where you sit and who you wanna see, I guess.
- Cheap Seats: You can get in for somethin’ like thirty or forty dollars, he says. That’ll get you a seat up in the nosebleed section, probably, but you’ll still see the action.
- Fancy Seats: Now, if you wanna be up close and personal, you gotta shell out some serious cash. He told me some tickets can cost thousands of dollars! Can you believe that? Thousands! That’s more than what old man Johnson paid for that new combine harvester.
- Superstar Experience: And then there’s this “Superstar Experience” thing. Sounds fancy, don’t it? Apparently, you get to meet some of the wrestlers and get some goodies. Probably just a bunch of plastic junk if you ask me, but the kids seem to like it.
He also told me they got somethin’ called “WWE Main Event” and “WWE Friday Night Smackdown.” I don’t know the difference, sounds like the same ol’ wrestlin’ to me. But he says one’s on a Monday and one’s on a Friday. So, I guess you gotta pick your poison. They got different wrestlers at each one, he says. So, if you like that fella John Cena, you gotta make sure he’s wrestlin’ that night.
Now, about these wrestlers. My grandson, he knows all their names and all their moves. He talks about ’em all the time, like they’re family or somethin’. He says they make a lot of money, too. Says some of ’em make more than the mayor! Can you imagine? All that money for smackin’ each other around. He said somethin’ like they make over a hundred thousand dollars a year. That’s a lot of hay, that is. More than what all the farmers in my town make in a year combined I bet. Makes you wonder if they’re really hurtin’ each other or if it’s all just for show.
Anyway, if you’re in Portland and you like watchin’ fellas in tight pants grapple each other, then this WWE thing might be right up your alley. Just remember to bring your earplugs and your wallet. And maybe a good pair of binoculars if you ain’t got the money for them fancy seats. My grandson says it’s a real spectacle. Lights, music, and lots of yellin’. Sounds like a county fair, but with more muscles and less pie-eating contests.
And don’t forget to check the dates! You don’t wanna show up on the wrong day and find nothin’ but an empty arena and a bunch of pigeons. My grandson said it’s happening on September 16th for the “Main Event” and there’s another one sometime later, something about Friday Night, but I can’t keep up with all these dates and times. Just go online and figure it out, just like the young folks do. They always got their noses stuck in them phones anyway.
So there you have it. Everything I know about WWE Portland. Not much, I admit, but enough to get you started. Now go on and have yourself some fun, and try not to get hit by a flyin’ wrestler, ya hear?
