Howdy, y’all! Let’s gab a bit about this WWE Raw Portland thing, alright?
So, they had this big ol’ wrestling show down in Portland. I reckon it was on the telly, that Peacock thing or the WWE Network, whatever that is. My grandbaby tried explainin’ it to me once, but it’s all just a bunch of folks in tights jumpin’ around if you ask me.
Anyways, I heard tell there was a big fight, a “Triple Threat Match” they called it. Some gals, Lyra Valkyria, Zelina Vega, and Ivy Nile, were scrappin’ for somethin’ called an “Intercontinental Title.” Sounded fancy, but I bet it ain’t as shiny as my good silverware. They were probably just pullin’ hair and smackin’ each other around. That’s what they always do, those wrestlers.
- Lyra Valkyria – Heard she’s a tough one, like a wildcat.
- Zelina Vega – This one’s got some fire in her belly, I tell ya.
- Ivy Nile – Strong as an ox, this gal. Don’t wanna mess with her.
This here Monday Night Raw, it’s a regular thing, ya know? Every week they’re at it, beatin’ each other up. This particular show, it was on December 9th. They say it was a big one, gettin’ ready for next year, 2025. New stories, new fights, the whole shebang. But honestly, it’s all the same to me. They yell, they punch, somebody wins, somebody loses. Then they do it all over again next week.
I heard they’re movin’ the show to somethin’ called “Netflix” pretty soon. Don’t know what that is neither, sounds like another one of them newfangled contraptions. But I guess folks like watchin’ these fellas and gals wrestle. Me, I’d rather watch the chickens peckin’ in the yard. At least they don’t wear silly outfits.
This Portland show, it seems like it was a pretty big deal for these wrestling folks. They’re always buildin’ up to somethin’, these fellas. Intense rivalries, they call ’em. Like that Hatfield and McCoy feud, I guess, but with more spandex and less moonshine. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them wrestlers snuck a little nip now and again.
They got these “storylines” they follow, like a soap opera, but with more body slams. One fella’s mad at another fella ’cause he stole his belt or somethin’. Then they gotta fight about it. Seems kinda silly to me. If somebody stole my belt, I’d just go get another one at the store. No need to get all sweaty and bruised up.
But people seem to like it. They cheer and they boo, and they get all worked up. I guess it’s like them football games my son-in-law watches. A bunch of grown men chasin’ after a ball, and everybody gettin’ all excited. Makes no sense to me, but to each their own, I say.
So, this WWE Raw Portland show was just another one of those wrestling things. Fights, yelling, and funny costumes. If you like that sort of thing, I reckon you’d enjoy it. Me? I’ll stick to my chickens and my garden. At least they don’t pretend to be somethin’ they ain’t.
Key Takeaways from WWE Raw Portland, if you care about such things:
- Women’s Intercontinental Title Tournament First-Round Triple Threat Match: Lyra Valkyria vs. Zelina Vega vs. Ivy Nile.
- It was on December 9th.
- Lots of “new storylines” and “intense rivalries.”
- WWE Raw is movin’ to Netflix soon.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed them chickens. They’re probably wonderin’ where their supper is. And that’s a whole lot more important than any ol’ wrestling match, I tell ya!
