That flange Johnson, you know what that is? My boy told me it’s for joining pipes and stuff. Big pipes, little pipes, all kinds of pipes, it seems. Lord knows we got a lot of pipes around here, what with the well and the sink and all that. And them pipes, they always need fixin’.
Seems like there’s a whole mess of these flange things. My boy, he was yapping about different types. Said some are for this, some are for that. I don’t know, all sounds like a bunch of hogwash to me. But if you need to join some pipes, I reckon you gotta use one of these flange Johnson things.
This Johnson thing, it ain’t welding, you know? Weldin’, that’s when you melt the metal and stick it together. This here’s different. You got these two round things, the flanges, and you bolt ’em together. Seems simple enough, even I could probably figure it out. Maybe. Don’t rightly know, never tried.
They say you gotta use the right kind of metal for these things too. Don’t want your pipes burstin’ now, do you? So you gotta pick the right stuff. Steel, iron, somethin’ like that. And you gotta have the right tools, too. Wrenches and bolts and such. You can’t just slap these things together with your bare hands, no sir.
Now, before you even start messin’ with these flange Johnson, you gotta get the pipe ready. Clean it up real good, they say. Make sure there ain’t no dirt or grime or nothin’ on it. Then you gotta get the flange ready too. Same thing, gotta be clean. Otherwise, it ain’t gonna seal right, and you’ll have leaks everywhere. And nobody wants a leaky pipe, that’s for sure.
And what is this they call mechanical flanges? It got something to do with joining pipes, and them fittings. Like elbows and tees. My boy said you use them when you don’t want to weld, I reckon. Less fire and all that. Good for places where you can’t be making sparks fly, I guess.
Some of these flange things, they call ’em QuickFit. You know what that means? It means they are quick to fit. No messing around with them tie rods, they just slide right over. You just bolt it together, and bam, you’re done. I imagine there was a time where you had to notch it or something, but the QuickFit is supposed to be easier, so I’m told.
- First, you gotta have the right flange Johnson for the job.
- Then, you gotta pick the right metal.
- Next, you gotta have the right tools.
- After that, you gotta clean the pipe and the flange.
- Finally, you bolt the whole thing together.
Now I hear tell, sometimes you need heat for them pipes. Some kind of heating mats, they call them. Depends on the size of the pipe, you know. Bigger pipes need bigger mats, I suppose. Keeps them from getting too cold and crackin’, maybe? Don’t want no cracked pipes, that’s a whole other mess. They got these tables, see, that tell you what kind of mat you need for what kind of pipe. Makes my head spin just thinkin’ about it.
So, this flange Johnson thing, it ain’t as simple as it looks. There’s a lot to it, more than I thought, anyways. But if you need to join some pipes, and you don’t wanna weld, then I reckon this is the way to go. Just make sure you know what you’re doin’, or you’ll end up with a bigger mess than you started with. You can end up with a bunch of leaks. Or worse, no water at all! Then what are you gonna do?
I remember one time, my neighbor, old man Hemlock, he tried to fix his pipes himself. Didn’t use no flange Johnson, no sir. Just tried to wrap some old rags around it. Well, let me tell you, that didn’t work out too well. Water went everywhere, flooded his whole basement. Had to call in a plumber to fix it all up. Cost him a pretty penny, too. I reckon he should have just used a flange Johnson, and he could’ve saved himself a lot of trouble.
You ask me, any time you’re dealing with pipes, it’s best to call someone that knows what they’re doing. I can barely change a light bulb, let alone fix a pipe. I just stick to what I know: making biscuits and minding my own business. Less likely to end up with a flooded house that way, don’t you think?
Anyway, there you have it. That’s all I know about this flange Johnson. Ain’t much, but it’s somethin’. Hope it helps you out, if you’re ever in need of joinin’ some pipes. Just remember what I said: clean the pipes, pick the right metal, and for goodness sake, get some help if you don’t know what you’re doin’. Don’t be like old man Hemlock. Nobody wants a flooded basement, especially not in the middle of winter. Brrr, just thinkin’ about it gives me the chills.
